Motherssss!

I love my mother. She is everything <3

For class we had to read two poems but I’m going to focus on one, which is “The Mother” by Gwendolyn Brooks, a deeply sentimental poem surrounding the long-lasting pain of abortions. The line that stood out to me the most was “Believe that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.” (21) because it’s such a vulnerable punch to the gut. Having known individuals who have gotten abortions I can say that it affects more than just the mother, and as the first line of this poem indicates–they do not let you forget. It’s a unique experience that alters you forever even in the smallest of ways.

The duality and wordplay of this line is so incredibly powerful; it almost carries a kind of innocence, like “I didn’t mean to do it” regarding her unborn children’s names and tears and laughter. A life they never got to have or lay claim to. Whatever the mother’s reason for getting an abortion, there was always a possibility for her to keep the baby, and that option–and the immense responsibility behind it–culminates otherworldly pressure. In snuffing out their light maybe it was to prevent an illness from being passed on or to cut out the result of rape/sexual harassment. It could have been for the child’s best interest or for the parent but still have taken away their chance at life. It was a deliberate decision to have an abortion but not deliberate in taking away the possibility of that child’s potential human experience. Because realistically (or generally, I suppose) a mother would never want that for their child, so after the abortion that weight is still sitting on her shoulders. All of the nevers and what ifs.

That is grief.

The second to last line says, “Believe me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved you/ All” (32-33), which solidifies that either the mother has gotten multiple abortions, or she was going to have twins. Either way there is pain in those lines that communicates the already established gap between life and death. The almost. The mother is full of sorrow and love that has no certain destination, and in my opinion that feeling translates to miscarriages. Abortions are a choice, but mothers who have miscarriages don’t have a choice. That choice is taken away from them, and yet I’m sure most if not all of these powerful lines would resonate with them. Motherhood is a layered and complex journey that I think proves the strength of women. The decisions we make and the ones that we don’t affect us every day. Women remember, and their bodies remember. And yet, we push on.